by Prof. Froz Scrote'um & Dr.Chuckles Sackit
I Once took part in a race
But soon fell on my face
I once tried to fly a balloon
Put fell back to earth to soon
I landed right on my funny bone
So laughed and cried on the way home
I bled to death later in the bath
from the injuries in my back.
Showing posts with label by Dr. Chuckles Sackit. Show all posts
Showing posts with label by Dr. Chuckles Sackit. Show all posts
пятніца, 14 снежня 2007 г.
The Big Adventure
by Prof. Froz Scrote'um & Dr.Chuckles Sackit
One day me and Bob went to the park
we played away till it got dark.
Then we went home, straight to bed
and separately rested our sleepy head.
The next morn' we woke up bright and fresh
For breakfast we ate donkey flesh.
And then a cup of Tea or juice
Followed by boots tied very loose.
Then we tried on scraggy clothes
and picked the bogeys from our nose
And to them tied some bits
of string and wore them on a chain or ring.
One day me and Bob went to the park
we played away till it got dark.
Then we went home, straight to bed
and separately rested our sleepy head.
The next morn' we woke up bright and fresh
For breakfast we ate donkey flesh.
And then a cup of Tea or juice
Followed by boots tied very loose.
Then we tried on scraggy clothes
and picked the bogeys from our nose
And to them tied some bits
of string and wore them on a chain or ring.
Book of Ugly
by Froz Scrote'um & Dr. Chuckles Sackit
I collect ugly people
I find them great to collect
And when I find an ugly person
I go into a frenzy and make them my sweat pets
I like to stamp them in a book
so all my friends can take a look.
and see and we and take a look
the ugly people in my book
Freaks like u are real rare
and women with facial hair
look at you and take a stare
The ugly people in my book
I collect ugly people
I find them great to collect
And when I find an ugly person
I go into a frenzy and make them my sweat pets
I like to stamp them in a book
so all my friends can take a look.
and see and we and take a look
the ugly people in my book
Freaks like u are real rare
and women with facial hair
look at you and take a stare
The ugly people in my book
Anonamouse
by Froz Scrote'um & Dr. Chuckles Sackit
Dexstah was a fine young man
He lived at home with his nan.
For the thing that Dexstah like's the best
Is the bum fluff on his chest.
And ever after he plucked is so
And surfed his belly in the snow.
For snow was Dexstah's favourite weather
He liked it more than bondage leather.
He loved the cold upon his chest
He liked to keep some in his vest.
So this is now Dexstah's tale
Because he's gone abroad on winged sail
But the plane crashed in Peru
And Dek was found with pants of poo
And so the legend of Dexstah now stands
Never wipe ones arse with both hands.
Dexstah was a fine young man
He lived at home with his nan.
For the thing that Dexstah like's the best
Is the bum fluff on his chest.
And ever after he plucked is so
And surfed his belly in the snow.
For snow was Dexstah's favourite weather
He liked it more than bondage leather.
He loved the cold upon his chest
He liked to keep some in his vest.
So this is now Dexstah's tale
Because he's gone abroad on winged sail
But the plane crashed in Peru
And Dek was found with pants of poo
And so the legend of Dexstah now stands
Never wipe ones arse with both hands.
A Tale of Horror and Suspense
by Prof. Froz Scrote'um & Dr. Chuckles Sackit
One fine day (Name Censored for Legal Reasons) was walking into a nasty great big storm. Little did he know that an evil race of half snail, half taxman killers were hot on his heels. (Name Censored for Legal Reasons) sensed they were there but didn't think to look down and remove them. Slowly the snail/taxmen began to devour a finely cooked meal of steak eggs and lard before taking a quick nap to sleep off the fine banquet they had just consumed. Knowing this and with hawk-like dexterity, (Name Censored for Legal Reasons) slapped his buttocks together with such ferocity that the snail/taxmen were shaken from their small mansion, out the back door, passed the shed, travelling east for several miles, turning left at Bengal only to land in a giant pile of hoss's shit, freshly laid by the farmer. So, ridding his journey of deadly killers (Name Censored for Legal Reasons) set off some fireworks to celebrate. In the night he slept with his teddy in a tent made of sticks and bracken.
He awoke the next morn to find... nothing. Everything had been tea-leafed, the sky, the trees, his tent, everything. Well now that (Name Censored for Legal Reasons) had nothing left he decided that it was probably time to brush his teeth. "GGGRRRRRRR" said his stomach, which was strange, as it had been stolen. "Today I shall limp" said (Name Censored for Legal Reasons). So off he went limping off like someone with a limp, until he got tired and decided to walk normal again. So he got his chain and took normal for a walk. The walk past. (Name Censored for Legal Reasons) tripped him up and a fight broke out.
One fine day (Name Censored for Legal Reasons) was walking into a nasty great big storm. Little did he know that an evil race of half snail, half taxman killers were hot on his heels. (Name Censored for Legal Reasons) sensed they were there but didn't think to look down and remove them. Slowly the snail/taxmen began to devour a finely cooked meal of steak eggs and lard before taking a quick nap to sleep off the fine banquet they had just consumed. Knowing this and with hawk-like dexterity, (Name Censored for Legal Reasons) slapped his buttocks together with such ferocity that the snail/taxmen were shaken from their small mansion, out the back door, passed the shed, travelling east for several miles, turning left at Bengal only to land in a giant pile of hoss's shit, freshly laid by the farmer. So, ridding his journey of deadly killers (Name Censored for Legal Reasons) set off some fireworks to celebrate. In the night he slept with his teddy in a tent made of sticks and bracken.
He awoke the next morn to find... nothing. Everything had been tea-leafed, the sky, the trees, his tent, everything. Well now that (Name Censored for Legal Reasons) had nothing left he decided that it was probably time to brush his teeth. "GGGRRRRRRR" said his stomach, which was strange, as it had been stolen. "Today I shall limp" said (Name Censored for Legal Reasons). So off he went limping off like someone with a limp, until he got tired and decided to walk normal again. So he got his chain and took normal for a walk. The walk past. (Name Censored for Legal Reasons) tripped him up and a fight broke out.
Sackit & Scrote'um argue... Wood or Metal?
by Prof. Froz Scrote'um & Dr. Chuckles Sackit
FS: Wood is better because it is brown and life's essentials are brown; Poo - without poo our insides would bloat and make us sick and; Trees - without trees there would be no oxygen and no firewood and no paper to wipe our poo with.
CS: Bullshit.
FS: What?
CS: How do bulls wipe there asses then? mmm? They've got no hands and in order to avoid an encrusted rectum, must construct anal wiping devices from metal.
FS: Yes, but like all machinery, these devices are cumbersome and malfunctioning and one day might cause a nasty accident by anally skewering the bull with a harsh metal poker which would have hramlessly broken if made from balsawood!
CS: Yes, but with the continual lubrication from the mighty bull's anus balsawood would slowly lose it's rigidity!
FS: Yes but soft, soggy wood creates small homes for weevils, worms and beetles that dwell around the anus of cattle. Rusty metal bottom prodders are not only abrasive to the skin but are no shelter for anal wildlife.
FS: Wood is better because it is brown and life's essentials are brown; Poo - without poo our insides would bloat and make us sick and; Trees - without trees there would be no oxygen and no firewood and no paper to wipe our poo with.
CS: Bullshit.
FS: What?
CS: How do bulls wipe there asses then? mmm? They've got no hands and in order to avoid an encrusted rectum, must construct anal wiping devices from metal.
FS: Yes, but like all machinery, these devices are cumbersome and malfunctioning and one day might cause a nasty accident by anally skewering the bull with a harsh metal poker which would have hramlessly broken if made from balsawood!
CS: Yes, but with the continual lubrication from the mighty bull's anus balsawood would slowly lose it's rigidity!
FS: Yes but soft, soggy wood creates small homes for weevils, worms and beetles that dwell around the anus of cattle. Rusty metal bottom prodders are not only abrasive to the skin but are no shelter for anal wildlife.
The Witty Bugger's Dictionary
by Dr.Chuckles Sackit & Prof. Froz Scrote'um
The Witty Bugger's Dictionary
A concise yet condensed guide to language.
denote; (a) to unwrite a memo. (b) to do nowt.
nowt; (a) the absence of "wt". (b) a newt of the minute.
absence; (a) common sense held in the abdominals..
manner; (a) someone who makes men.
universal;(a) a versal with one wheel. (b) a man called Allen who is like, in appearance, a universe.
symbol; (a) to walk with an unsteady limp.
unsteady; (a) a day in which we celibrate "unstead". (b) a teddy bear belonging to the United Nations.
celibrate; (a) what monks' are. (b) a rate on which celebrities are payed.
monk; (a) a small monkey. (b) the word "monkey" to someone who can't say more than one syllable.
newt; (a) to surgically make impotent. (b) a previously unavailible nowt.
impotent; (a) the tent in which newted people sleep. (b) a phrase used when your potent. (c) a tent in which an imp frolics.
sleep; (a) what happens when you run accross a wet floor.
floor; (a) to beat and cain with rug or carpet. (b) an ore with floral decoration or wings.
cain; (a) a "c" in pain. (b) to kinkey whip.
kinkey whip; (a) to lash with flex the key of kin (b) icecream used with sexual intension.
whip; (a) to girate or froth cream or other dairy products with a whisk. (b) Indiana Jones' only weapon angainst the viscious tribes and dangerous animals of the jungle.
flex; (a) an ex-flea.
. ; (a) a universal symbol used to denote the end of a sentence. (b) A camel from a long distance.
uphill garden; (a) to tend to flowers crops or shrubbery upon an incline.
yer; (a) to exclaim in disbelief. (b) to be of "yours", such as "move yer arse!".
disbelief; (a) to mess with someone's faith.
suck; (a) to inhale orally, thereby creating suction which attracts nearby matter. (b) to be really bad.
matter; (a) the occupation of making annoying welcome mats. (b) the act of beating a female with a small course rug.
orally; (a) to beat Ally about the head with a boats ore. (b) to lie down utilising the mouth.
hence; (a) to create a hedge or fence from chickens. (b) to sword fight using a very thin, long hedge.
To to; (a) to have designs placed into the skin. (b) an inconspicuos way of describing taking a shit.
knob; (a) to shag, bang, fuck, screw, have, do, pump, bugger or any other kind of sexual penetration. (b) to poke with the penis.
course; (a) to navigate around. (b) to swear or verbally abuse.
navigate around; (a) to sucessfully steer about a spherical object. (b) the act of avoiding buying everyone a pint.
everyone a pint; (a) to be stood in a room of midgets.
midget; (a) to get in the middle. (b) to midg extra terrestrials.
thing; (a) to sing with a lisp. (b) a very slim "G".
act; (a) a phrase used to bring forth phlegm from the throat. (b) the German word for "eight" used to bring forth phlegm from the throat, sometimes into the oncoming face of a possible attacker.
german; (a) a race of people who live in Germany. (b) the fusion of man and gerbil.
gerbil; (a) the bill for "gerring".
moosolar; (a) scale used for singing practice. (b) a cow that runs on solar power.
penis; (a) to spell "Denis" wrongly.
froth; (a) substance emitted from one's mouth when having a fit. (c) the result of gene splicing between frog and moth.
mouth; (a) to eat, consume or devour orally. (b) when the "n" in "month" dies.
organism; (a) discrimination against organs.
The Witty Bugger's Dictionary
A concise yet condensed guide to language.
denote; (a) to unwrite a memo. (b) to do nowt.
nowt; (a) the absence of "wt". (b) a newt of the minute.
absence; (a) common sense held in the abdominals..
manner; (a) someone who makes men.
universal;(a) a versal with one wheel. (b) a man called Allen who is like, in appearance, a universe.
symbol; (a) to walk with an unsteady limp.
unsteady; (a) a day in which we celibrate "unstead". (b) a teddy bear belonging to the United Nations.
celibrate; (a) what monks' are. (b) a rate on which celebrities are payed.
monk; (a) a small monkey. (b) the word "monkey" to someone who can't say more than one syllable.
newt; (a) to surgically make impotent. (b) a previously unavailible nowt.
impotent; (a) the tent in which newted people sleep. (b) a phrase used when your potent. (c) a tent in which an imp frolics.
sleep; (a) what happens when you run accross a wet floor.
floor; (a) to beat and cain with rug or carpet. (b) an ore with floral decoration or wings.
cain; (a) a "c" in pain. (b) to kinkey whip.
kinkey whip; (a) to lash with flex the key of kin (b) icecream used with sexual intension.
whip; (a) to girate or froth cream or other dairy products with a whisk. (b) Indiana Jones' only weapon angainst the viscious tribes and dangerous animals of the jungle.
flex; (a) an ex-flea.
. ; (a) a universal symbol used to denote the end of a sentence. (b) A camel from a long distance.
uphill garden; (a) to tend to flowers crops or shrubbery upon an incline.
yer; (a) to exclaim in disbelief. (b) to be of "yours", such as "move yer arse!".
disbelief; (a) to mess with someone's faith.
suck; (a) to inhale orally, thereby creating suction which attracts nearby matter. (b) to be really bad.
matter; (a) the occupation of making annoying welcome mats. (b) the act of beating a female with a small course rug.
orally; (a) to beat Ally about the head with a boats ore. (b) to lie down utilising the mouth.
hence; (a) to create a hedge or fence from chickens. (b) to sword fight using a very thin, long hedge.
To to; (a) to have designs placed into the skin. (b) an inconspicuos way of describing taking a shit.
knob; (a) to shag, bang, fuck, screw, have, do, pump, bugger or any other kind of sexual penetration. (b) to poke with the penis.
course; (a) to navigate around. (b) to swear or verbally abuse.
navigate around; (a) to sucessfully steer about a spherical object. (b) the act of avoiding buying everyone a pint.
everyone a pint; (a) to be stood in a room of midgets.
midget; (a) to get in the middle. (b) to midg extra terrestrials.
thing; (a) to sing with a lisp. (b) a very slim "G".
act; (a) a phrase used to bring forth phlegm from the throat. (b) the German word for "eight" used to bring forth phlegm from the throat, sometimes into the oncoming face of a possible attacker.
german; (a) a race of people who live in Germany. (b) the fusion of man and gerbil.
gerbil; (a) the bill for "gerring".
moosolar; (a) scale used for singing practice. (b) a cow that runs on solar power.
penis; (a) to spell "Denis" wrongly.
froth; (a) substance emitted from one's mouth when having a fit. (c) the result of gene splicing between frog and moth.
mouth; (a) to eat, consume or devour orally. (b) when the "n" in "month" dies.
organism; (a) discrimination against organs.
Strange is a Word With P
by Prof. Froz Scrote'um & Dr. Chuckles Sackit
A year later the king and Rumple were married and Hat the Magic Cat sat near the fire, waiting expectantly. A tea cup fell on his head and knocked off his ears. Which he collected.
A year later the king was wet from the waist down and porous from his left eye to his chinny winwin.
A year later the king and Rumple were married and Hat the Magic Cat sat near the fire, waiting expectantly. A tea cup fell on his head and knocked off his ears. Which he collected.
A year later the king was wet from the waist down and porous from his left eye to his chinny winwin.
Rot the Badger
by Prof. Scrote'um & Dr. Chuckles Sackit
One fine day Rot the Badger found that the air in his room was getting particularly uneven. So, after pondering multiple solutions to his conundrum, he walked over to the opposite side and breathed extreamly hard in a shallow attempt to sort this problem.
After 5 minutes his chicken tikka slippers had been microwaved to a golden cristpy finish by the excess of toxins in his breath. At that moment, Perrywinkle the half-breed monkey / goat fell quite ill after attempting to mix the chicken pox virus with jelly. Later that day Mrya Collchester, ironically from Colchester, burst into flames when re-enacting the famous nudity scene from Beaty and the Beast.
After seven rounds of toast and a slight sanding down of Ms. Collchester's breasts and other important items, the sex began again, only to be rudely interupted by the supporting cast of Oliver. Quite pissed off by the sudden outburst of the Ibola virus, Mr. Collchester quickly burst in to find his wife rubbing monkey grease into her forearms. With that, the stress was too much to take and he rubbed himself down with monkey grease too, which is widely prized for it's medicinal properties. Next on the shopping list was cheddar cheese, but he decided to forget about Safeways for the minute and slipped into the giant pea-pod next to Mr. Beast. "What is ze purpose of Meaning?" asked Mr. Beast. "Well, who the fuck do you think I am?" the Grandfather of All Knowledge replied. "Your the bloody cameraman!" said Mr.Beast "Anyway I wasn't talking to you."
Back at Rot's house his golden cristpy chicken tikka slippers were causing quite a stir among the locals. 'Yum, yum, yum' was the war-chant bellowing from the cookie jar, but no one heard it because a sudden silent had taken over the hens, who now rammed goat's livers down their throats like toasted socks upon the infinite feet of time.
One fine day Rot the Badger found that the air in his room was getting particularly uneven. So, after pondering multiple solutions to his conundrum, he walked over to the opposite side and breathed extreamly hard in a shallow attempt to sort this problem.
After 5 minutes his chicken tikka slippers had been microwaved to a golden cristpy finish by the excess of toxins in his breath. At that moment, Perrywinkle the half-breed monkey / goat fell quite ill after attempting to mix the chicken pox virus with jelly. Later that day Mrya Collchester, ironically from Colchester, burst into flames when re-enacting the famous nudity scene from Beaty and the Beast.
After seven rounds of toast and a slight sanding down of Ms. Collchester's breasts and other important items, the sex began again, only to be rudely interupted by the supporting cast of Oliver. Quite pissed off by the sudden outburst of the Ibola virus, Mr. Collchester quickly burst in to find his wife rubbing monkey grease into her forearms. With that, the stress was too much to take and he rubbed himself down with monkey grease too, which is widely prized for it's medicinal properties. Next on the shopping list was cheddar cheese, but he decided to forget about Safeways for the minute and slipped into the giant pea-pod next to Mr. Beast. "What is ze purpose of Meaning?" asked Mr. Beast. "Well, who the fuck do you think I am?" the Grandfather of All Knowledge replied. "Your the bloody cameraman!" said Mr.Beast "Anyway I wasn't talking to you."
Back at Rot's house his golden cristpy chicken tikka slippers were causing quite a stir among the locals. 'Yum, yum, yum' was the war-chant bellowing from the cookie jar, but no one heard it because a sudden silent had taken over the hens, who now rammed goat's livers down their throats like toasted socks upon the infinite feet of time.
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