by Prof. Froz Scrote'um & Dr. Chuckles Sackit
FS: Wood is better because it is brown and life's essentials are brown; Poo - without poo our insides would bloat and make us sick and; Trees - without trees there would be no oxygen and no firewood and no paper to wipe our poo with.
CS: How do bulls wipe there asses then? mmm? They've got no hands and in order to avoid an encrusted rectum, must construct anal wiping devices from metal.
FS: Yes, but like all machinery, these devices are cumbersome and malfunctioning and one day might cause a nasty accident by anally skewering the bull with a harsh metal poker which would have hramlessly broken if made from balsawood!
CS: Yes, but with the continual lubrication from the mighty bull's anus balsawood would slowly lose it's rigidity!
FS: Yes but soft, soggy wood creates small homes for weevils, worms and beetles that dwell around the anus of cattle. Rusty metal bottom prodders are not only abrasive to the skin but are no shelter for anal wildlife.