Patrick Breakwave

by Dr Dollarhat

glorifying the very fact of his own existence, Pat proceeded to destroy absolutely everything in sight as a protest against the inferiority of the earth as a whole in comparison to his good self. And this was not simply personal opinion; Patrick Breakwave really was an anomaly in the realms of humanity, a purification of atomisation itself: Pat Breakwave was a superbeing.

Grounding his mighty feet and causing pain to the very essence of gravity, Pat looked up towards the heavens to challenge the Gods with his post physical strength of mind and matter, harnessing the life force of mother Earth with relative ease. But suddenly, and for the first time since he was a small childhood weakling, Pat felt discouragingly belittled. He had conversed with the almighty on extremely bad terms. Having messed with gravity in his fit of monstrositous anger, Pat had caused God to loose his footing in the clouds, and was now communicating to the super-powered Earthling via satellite, having been so embarrassingly ejaculated into the infinite realms of time and space.

This was bad. Not just Gods disappearance, but what revelations he had oh so recently bespoken to Pat. It seemed now that the end was nigh. When the Lord almighty reached the outer edges of space, he was going to send tonnes upon tonnes of irrelevant junk mail to Pats house, so much that if he didn't become bankrupt through over expenditure on irresistible rubbish, then he would in fact drown in a sea of glossy paper in the comfort and misery of his own home.